"When you are very sad, the only thing to do is to go learn something."

"When you're very sad, the only thing to do is to go learn something."  Merlin to Arthur in The Once and Future King.  (Full passage below).For those of you reading this who are intimately familiar with loss and sadness right now, this is particularly for you.   But it is for the rest of us too.  For those of us who are sad about the world, or about health issues, or a lost love, or maybe just "what might have been" we need to learn something too.  Why does learning help? I will answer that with a story.  When my 89 year old father died about 10 years ago he didn't give us much warning.  On Thursday we were told his lab results and he was gone by Saturday night.  My mother had a very difficult time processing that her husband of 50+ years was gone and to compound matters, 30 days later she was told she was in the early stages of dementia.  When it rains it pours.  AND it surely did on our sweet mom.My parents history was complicated as all marriages are, in one particular way.  My mother had a long list of "honey do's" that my ordinarily kind and sweet father adamantly refused to do.  Go figure!  So my wise and loving brother who was equally stunned by the loss of his father and best friend came over every week for two years and took something off the list of "honey do's".  And then when it was complete, he started coming up with things to create, to add to her home that he suspected she would really enjoy.  My mom never truly fell apart in the ways we all thought she would and certainly had every right too.  I believe the love and attention she received from my sisters and I was a part of that but I truly know in my heart that having something new to look forward to every week told her hurting soul, that while life held loss and endings, it was not just that, it also held discovery and beginnings.  My brother was as wise as Merlin, in the face of the biggest ending in my mother's life, those constant new beginnings helped her through that very rocky passage.  So too with learning something new.  It fills you with beginnings and with discovery.  Learning is not just good for us as we age because it keeps our minds agile it also keeps our hearts and spirits young.From the Master himself, in his own words:  “The best thing for being sad," replied Merlin, beginning to puff and blow, "is to learn something. That's the only thing that never fails. You may grow old and trembling in your anatomies, you may lie awake at night listening to the disorder of your veins, you may miss your only love, you may see the world about you devastated by evil lunatics, or know your honour trampled in the sewers of baser minds. There is only one thing for it then — to learn. Learn why the world wags and what wags it. That is the only thing which the mind can never exhaust, never alienate, never be tortured by, never fear or distrust, and never dream of regretting. Learning is the only thing for you. Look what a lot of things there are to learn.” ― T.H. White, The Once and Future King  

"There's that feeling you get when you see something that you don't understand..."

"There's that feeling you get when you see something that you don't understand the origin of ... wonderment."The Brooklyn artist Swoon was quoted as saying this in the New York Times and when I read it so many things came together for me.

• Why adults and adolescents love small children.
• Why it can be difficult for us as adults, to be curious in the face of the unknown.  The uncertain.
• And why poetry so often appeals to us, especially at the most difficult times in our lives.

I think most of us "smart and savvy" (and maybe a bit world weary) adults do just the opposite of wonderment in the face of what we don't understand.  We don't get curious, we don't allow ourselves to be drawn toward the unknown, instead we just shut down and/or armor up.  We assume something negative and turn away.  What poetry does (think Robin Williams in the Apple commercial) is usher us into a larger world where wonderment is more easily accessible.  It helps us make or see things whole, including our own difficulties and our own lives.Of course, I realize there is real danger in the world.  My goodness look at the front page of any newspaper around the world.  Death and disease are everywhere.  On a large scale the world is beautiful and terrifying.  All the more reason for us to seize moments of wonderment.  But to grab hold of them we most notice them first. Let's start by looking close to home, people we know or situations at work.  When a colleague or loved one says something that I don't understand the origin of what do I do?  Too often I tell a story, make meaning based on my past experience and the culture I am part of ... but what might happen if instead I go to "wonderment".  To wonder and awe as in ..."that makes no sense to me, I wonder what s/he is seeing or experiencing that I am not."  Can you sense, that in that moment we are drawn in, we are drawn closer, just like a child to the first doodle bug they see? We all have this capacity.  We were born with it.  But it gets covered over with our preference or our habits of predict and control.  For just today, instead of making meaning, good or bad, in the face of something or someone we don't understand, why not try wonderment, real open hearted interest and curiosity about what we don't know?  Let's enter our beginner's mind or "don't know mind" and see what happens.   

"Things Happen FOR us, not TO us."

As an event is unfolding we actually have no idea at all WHY it is happening.  Of course that won’t stop our minds from making up a story of one sort or another.  But as you may have already surmised, thinking “things are  happening for me” leads to a very different story and feelings, than than “things are happening to me.”  “For me” can lead to Christmas morning feelings,  like positive expectancy, curiosity and openness.  Things are happening “to me” can lead to self-protection and contraction,  feelings and thoughts like suspicion, concern and worry.  The emotional intelligence research tells us that what we say only counts for 7% of what people hear when we talk.  But how we are feeling and thinking, accounts for the other 93% and shows up in our tone of voice (38%) and our non-verbal behaviors (55%).  It follows then that “to me” stories create an energy of contraction and worry that diminishes us and our messages/communication to others.  And of course, “for me” stories create a sort of “brainstorm” atmosphere that is fun, joyful and creative allows for the flow of meaning as well as ideas.  This is exactly the kind of atmosphere that today’s individuals AND organizations most need to stay competitive and thrive.When we are caught in “to me”, a good exercise to move into “for me” is  The Wonders Consultancy “13 things” exercise.  Sit down and make a list of 13 reasons that this thing that is happening, is actually a benefit to you in some way.  For example, let’s say that you tend to be someone who gets anxious when people you care about distance from you.  Maybe you take that personally.  Or feel rejected. Or tend to blame or criticize yourself, and create a story you caused their behavior.  AND let’s say you have recently decided that you want to change this pattern.  Now, two of your friends are incommunicado.  One way that is a benefit to you is you get to practice new neurological patterns or calming yourself and not chasing after these two friends.  Of trusting that it is not at all about you and at some point you will understand and discover that they had other things pressing on them.  Therefore,  one reason that friends being incommunicado is a benefit to you,  is that you are learning not pursue others!  Another reason is you are learning to stay in the moment and not create stories about other people’s intentions.  A third reason this is “for you” is that you are getting to learn not to take others behaviors personally.  So, I gave you 3, now find another 10!   It may well take that much effort to get your strategic mind to let go and trust!

The Connection between Art and Vitality

Art isn’t pretty.Art isn’t painting.Art isn’t something you hang on a wall.Art is what we do when we’re truly alive.…But art is who we are and what we do and what we need.  Seth GodinOkay, so I have been in a funk.  By that I mean not really inspired to blog anything.  Yet, somehow still inspired by life.  This may sound trite but Michelle Obama's bangs and her and the girls attire on inauguration day are now my wallpaper on facebook, they inspire me.  I don't know why but I smile every time I see them.  Maybe because the colors are so beautiful and the lines of the clothes, elegant. But I may be making this up.  My strategic mind HATES the idea that it can't explain everything. ;-)  What I know for sure is the image of them makes me smile.   Something else that inspires me:  the comings and goings of the chickadees at my bird feeder.  AND right now, I am really jazzed by my I  brand new elegant red metal dining room table to launch valentine's day week.  All of these makes me happy, grateful and young in spirit.  Yet, not inspired to blog.When I started this blog I understood that the muse comes and goes.  And accepted that, but I didn't expect the fickle girl to disappear for almost 6 weeks!  AND I committed to not write because some voice in me said, I had better write something or...  In other words I wasn't going to let my strategic mind take the my love of writing and connecting things and turn it into just another thing on my "to do" list.   This blog that bears my name would be filled from a place of possibility and abundance.  I would write  because I get to, not because I have to.Trusting this path was part of my emergence as an artist.  Yes, I did say artist.  Not because I think my writing is actually worthy of the word art.  But because I think how I am in the world is.  My definition of art and making art is similar to Seth Godin's.  It puts me on an edge.  It asks me to begin and not know where I am going.  Hmmm, that sounds like motherhood, marriage, most jobs, most projects doesn't it?  I think so.  Godin says we are all artists.  We must make a world we want to inhabit.  So ask yourself:What can I make in my world today, given all the things already scheduled and required of me, that would make me come alive in the making?  That would give me energy?And of course ... go do that! 

Part 1: Moving from one year into the next ...

Let my history then, be a gate unfastened to a new life and not a barrier to my becoming.  David Whyte   We humans are such funny creatures.  We have stories about everything and everyone ~ even ourselves!  Maybe especially ourselves.  And unfortunately, we ~ I ~ stick like crazy glue to that story.  Think about it.  When was the last time you surprised yourself by allowing some otherness, some unknown frontier to rise up and … arrest you?  Alter your path?  Carl Jung called that God.  We often think it is the devil!  How dare life deliver anything but our expected results, right?What is also true of us, is that most of us have a story that often differs in small or large ways from others’ stories about us.  Today, on the eve of a new year, we invite you to step outside your story about your history and who you are and who you can be.   Who exists beyond that story?  Discover your unknown, your unclaimed otherness, your becoming.…not known because not looked for…(T.S. Elliot)  So, why not consider seriously aligning with the call of 21st century life?  To trust and welcome the unknown, rather than resist it.  “To learn to love the unknown for itself, to take it gladly like a lantern to help you see where ordinary light will not go.”  For me this line suggests we align ourselves with a positive expectancy, similar to what we felt on Christmas morning as children.  What would be under the tree for us?  Our most cherished desires or something else, yet still wonderful?  Maybe more wonderful?  You are leaders, whether you are leading just yourself, into authenticity or an organization of hundreds.  You are leaders.  And you are 21^st century leaders, living in challenging, uncertain, and unpredictable  and terribly complex times. Now, how do you find your way to say YES to that fierce embrace?

EVERYTHING IS POSSIBLE.

AND

EVERYTHING IS AT STAKE.

What an amazing time to be alive and part of history.  If anyone needs to become comfortable in the unfamiliar, the unknown, it is us: we rational planners and doers. I invite you to place, who you think you are, what you think you love, and what you think is possible for and through you, on your right side.  Set them down.  And allow your left side, your own dear unknown, to offer, to reveal, to announce itself to you.  As you move from this year passing away, it matters to name what is done and complete for yourself so that you can create the space to invite new growth and imagination into your life in 2013.  Consider using these questions to help you become clear about what needs to recede or die back in your life:

1. What is finished, complete in your life now? 
2. Where have you achieved substantial mastery and need to allow that particular gift to recede in order to create space for your next level of growth?
3. Where in your life might you be taking a strength of yours and over using it, or applying it to something that doesn’t need it?   For example, let's say you are a good idea generator.  You have most of them at meetings.  But what if NOW it is time to develop discernment.  The ability to pick between ideas, the one that will really hit it out of the park.    That means listening and observing and reflecting.  Opposite of the idea generator mode.  But if you keep going to the “creative” idea generator, it will actually become a liability.    This is an example of over-doing a strength so it becomes a liability.