“Every day when I awake I am torn between saving the world and savoring it…”

As we stand at the gateway, a summer stretching out in front of us, this quote is particularly meaningful to me.   Full quote:  "Everyday when I awake, I am torn between saving the world and savoring it.  It makes it hard to plan the day."And that reminds me of another poem by David Whyte What to Remember When Waking where the poet states 

"...What you can plan

is too small

for you to live.

What you can live

wholeheartedly 

will make plans

enough

for the vitality 

hidden in your sleep. ..."

Is there a kind of planning that is more like a conversation with a person?  Where no one leads, you aren't leading and life isn't leading but you are co-creating the dance together?  I believe there is.  Conversational planning may be the secret to 21st century well-being, whether planning your family's summer or your organization's vision and mission for the next 3 to 5 years.Recently, I lost a most dear soul friend.    It reminded me of the futility of a plan that does not include the following:

1. Interruptions
2. The random...things taking a surprise turn (positive and negative).
3. Trust in oneself and life.

The last one is particularly important I think, because I cause myself unnecessary suffering when I get out ahead of "now" and tell myself a story about a possible future that is not here.  But when I am able trust the unknown (unplanned interruptions and the random), what C.G.Jung called God, only then can I stay present and fully available to this moment instead of my story about this moment.  How do I trust the unknown and random?  By trusting that I can meet whatever life is bringing.  I Part of what makes this a bit easier is staying in this moment where I can't truly see if what is happening is actually good or bad, in the long run.  What I can know in this moment is only that I like it or I don't.  I want it or do not.  But I can't actually know how I will feel about it 20 years from now.  You see until our last breath, we are all always in the middle of a long play.  So this "detour" or "setback" might actually be a kind of divine intervention giving me the chance to pause and relook at what I am  doing or where I am heading.  If you don't believe in Divine intervention, no worries, you can still take a pause and ask yourself the question, "How is this potentially a gift to me?"  In other words, use it as Divine intervention giving you the chance to pause and regroup.  Even if it is not!In that pause, you can ask yourself questions, like:

• "Am I all in?"
•  "Do we have anything nagging us that we keep turning away from?"
•  "How is this actually a good thing?  Even though I still don't like it.  

By the way trusting the unknown or trusting Life, doesn't mean I don't get to feel, sad, mad and/or scared.  But if along side those feelings, I can squeeze in a little curiosity and wonder via exploratory questions (like those above), the whole thing opens up again and I can move forward with more confidence and commitment.  Not in outcome.  No one gets to have that.  Confidence and commitment in myself and my direction, come what may.So back to 21st century conversational planning.  What exactly does that mean?  It means planning expecting a partner (Life/the Unknown Future) that will ultimately help you create more than you could have without her.  Planning for interruptions, detours and reversals.  Keeping the end in sight, but holding the "how" and the "when" loosely.  And trust yourself, especially that vitality hidden in your sleep and your dreams. 

Psyche (aka your unconscious): Holds all the trump!

More and more neuroscience is demonstrating the limits of the logical and the rational.  Thus proving C.G. Jung, (Jungian Psychology) to have been a prophet.  The power of the unconscious, the mysterious and unfathomable, within each and everyone of us is truly breathtaking.  AND it is efficient!  How does it get better than that?!I write about this because there are tools that one can use (many of which I have practiced for almost 2 decades) that help us actually hear the voice of our own psyche.  AND why that matters is because it turns out ..that it is not "Father who knows best" but Psyche.  (Yes, I am that old!)Our own sweet souls are what will make the best and happiest decisions on any and all matter of preference for each of us.  Whether it be the next car we buy, the person we live with or career path we take...or which pair of shoes to buy and where to go for dinner.    Psyche (soul) always speaks to us in the language of feelings, energy, moods and dreams.  She is always letting us know what will make us happy in the long run.So why aren't we happier?  Because our Strategic Mind generally overrules her and so quickly we often don't hear her at all.    She says, "I want light and space."  Strategic mind jumps in with "We can't move, we don't have time and where will we find....blah, blah, blah."  Conversation over...except it isn't because Psyche will now start to disturb our peace with ennui or discontent or weird dreams.  AND she won't stop.Our distrust of her is part and parcel of our inherent distrust of joy and happiness.  (See my post:  Trusting Joy).  Most of us trust suffering and struggle more than we do joy and happiness.  That is why we mostly change through the school of hardknocks.   What would happen is when Psyche whispered "I want light and space." we would respond with curiosity with "Tell me more"?Maybe we allow Strategic Mind (SM) to register it's concerns immediately...but in the spirit of a brainstorm, instead of control.SM:  "Look, the easy way would be to change our exisiting space if that is possible, but why is it you want light and space and are there other ways we could achieve that, because moving is a a big chunk of time and money?"And then the ideas surface.  The brainstorm is on.  Strategic mind doesn't have to and should not just say "yes" to Psyche, it is meant to be a true conversation between the rational and irrational within us.  We can learn how to stay in the tension of the conflicting needs within our own minds, knowing that one day something greater than either "move or stay here and ignore the need for light and space" will emerge.  Einstein said, "you can't solve a problem with the level of thinking that created it."  I say, ask yourself where you are stuck.  AND put those two opposites together and ask "how can I have both X and Y?"  Then settle in and wait, trusting that an answer will come.  Stay open.  Wait for what is fresh, new and alive to arrive.  

Obama & Christie: Out of tragedy, new possibility emerges ... Part 1

Picture the image of Republican New Jersey Governor Chris Christie standing side by side with Democratic President Barack Obama.  One man man white, one man multiracial.  One man large with a loud and passionate, direct and exuberant presence.  The other slender and known for his cool demeanor, depth of thought and observational qualities. One man (Christie) had previously criticized the other (Obama) in public ("groping for the light switch of leadership in a darkened room).Yet a woman named Sandy, in the form of a hurricane, brought them together and brought out the best in both of them.  AND simultaneously  helped us glimpse a new way forward as a people.  In this post I am going to focus on the inner development of both leaders from my perspective and apply that to each of us and human development.  Let's start with my assumptions/beliefs:

1. People come into your life at a point in time to give you a glimpse (a positive example) of the next level of development available to you, as a person and a leader.  I refer to this as emergence as in, what is emerging/growing in you now?
2. This person/example will stimulate your imagination of what is possible for you next, even if only unconsciously.
3. If  you recognize this opportunity and move with it, you experience the wind at your back.
4. If you resist it, you experience  struggle and suffering.

Back to Christie and Obama.  Obama's humble and thoughtful, counselor approach is a model of servant leadership (which is why his staff will walk on hot coals for him).  But it would look like a failure of leadership to Christie.  Christie's approach is almost always big, powerful and charismatic.  We only see Obama do that through oratory.  Christie's ego/strategic mind would tell him no one will follow him if he risks growing the opposite characteristics in his leadership (the Obama style) thus keeping him from going to his next level of greatness.   Can you imagine how extraordinary Christie can be as a leader--maybe our President one day--with the ability to tap both capacities?  To be at choice for when to directly and powerfully call for what is needed for the people---and when to recede, observe and serve?

Part 2 highlights Obama's frontier and then connects this to all of us...

Tina Fey would love this.

“Form the habit of saying, “Yes” to a good idea.  Then list all the reasons why it will work.  There will always be plenty of people to tell you why it won’t work.”  Gil AtkinsonTina Fey, in her book Bossy Pants tells us that the rules of improvisation will change our lives and the very first rule is "Say Yes."  And the second rule is not only to "Say Yes." but to say "Yes, And."So, Gil Atkinson and Tina Fey agree and so do I.  But I suggest we take it even further.  I suggest we don't just “Form the habit of saying “Yes” to a good idea", I think we should say "Yes" to a new idea whether it is good or not.   Actually any new idea, even if just for 5 minutes,especially the weird ones.  And then I suggest we  list all the reasons why it will work or why it is useful.  Find at least 13 reasons.  Why?  Because then when people give you all the reasons why it won’t work you can ask them, “Given your concerns about this idea, how could your concerns improve the idea?”Why go to this trouble and spend the time?  Especially if your first reaction to the new idea is that it is dumb or it won't work?   Because innovation and creativity hide in the darndest places!  And by saying "yes" (and Tina Fey, would love this), you are actually allowing wonder and creativity to find you.  So even, if you end up walking away from it 5 minutes later, you will have just spent 5 minutes in that wonderful space called an "eternal moment".  That place where time stands still or feels like it expands.  Because that is how creativity, discovery and wonder feel.  I don't know about you, but 5 minutes of that will give me enough energy to burn through hours of challenging or boring stuff.Let’s test the idea with a work example:You are finishing a proposal for an important client and your assistant, says “Gee, I wonder if we should have gone for a more unusual approach to this?  I get we have demonstrated how we have done this a thousand times but what if what this company wants/needs now is something that is fresh, new and alive?”  So, instead of going ”What the heck…why would she bring this up now, what if you took a deep breath and asked yourself:  Given we don’t have time to redo this how could her concern be an ally to the project and not enemy?  How is what she just said actually useful to our efforts?”  And then the thought comes to you to include in the letter with the proposal, that you based your proposal on the assumption that what was most important to them was someone with lots of experience.  AND if that isn’t true, and what they want is someone who can generate approaches that are fresh, new, and alive then you will be happy to resubmit the proposal, demonstrating equally well that you are a great fit for their organization!  You follow this with a quick story of a client you have done exactly this work for and how pleased they were with the work and how the work helped impact their bottom line.So maybe you are beginning to be persuaded to give this idea a go, but are wondering if  13 ways this weird idea can be useful are really necessary.  Why not 1 or 5 or 7?

1. Because your linear processor (also known as strategic mind or left brain), will be quick to tell you to get rid of the new idea and guess what?  Turns out that part of you is good at executing but it is LOUSY at creating or innovating!  So the list of 13 ways the idea could be useful, is a practice that helps you move from certainty (This is stupid) to curiosity and openness.  And only from that place can you adequately evaluate whether to pursue it or not.
2. David Whyte wrote in the poem, Everything Is Waiting For You, that  “It is your great mistake to act the drama as if you were alone.”  He tells us that there is unlimited invisible help  to assist us. But if I am are convinced I need no help how will it get myattention?  So, the 13 ways list helps me open to all the invisible help (or fresh new ideas) and guidance that is there for me.  If your beliefs tell you that there is only you and your are on your own in life,  then the practice helps you open to your own intuitive brain, your right side.
3. This kind of thinking and openness is what design thinking is all about.  Design thinking is critically important in complex times and when dealing with challenging situations because it helps you engage potential setbacks with boldness, enthusiasm and faith that there are great solutions waiting in the wings to emerge if you can just find the right questions to ask.  (Design thinking assumes there are unlimited great ideas.)

If you need more reasons call me!  All I really want you, the reader to get, is that YOU ARE NOT ALONE…unless you want to be!