Psyche (aka your unconscious): Holds all the trump!

More and more neuroscience is demonstrating the limits of the logical and the rational.  Thus proving C.G. Jung, (Jungian Psychology) to have been a prophet.  The power of the unconscious, the mysterious and unfathomable, within each and everyone of us is truly breathtaking.  AND it is efficient!  How does it get better than that?!I write about this because there are tools that one can use (many of which I have practiced for almost 2 decades) that help us actually hear the voice of our own psyche.  AND why that matters is because it turns out ..that it is not "Father who knows best" but Psyche.  (Yes, I am that old!)Our own sweet souls are what will make the best and happiest decisions on any and all matter of preference for each of us.  Whether it be the next car we buy, the person we live with or career path we take...or which pair of shoes to buy and where to go for dinner.    Psyche (soul) always speaks to us in the language of feelings, energy, moods and dreams.  She is always letting us know what will make us happy in the long run.So why aren't we happier?  Because our Strategic Mind generally overrules her and so quickly we often don't hear her at all.    She says, "I want light and space."  Strategic mind jumps in with "We can't move, we don't have time and where will we find....blah, blah, blah."  Conversation over...except it isn't because Psyche will now start to disturb our peace with ennui or discontent or weird dreams.  AND she won't stop.Our distrust of her is part and parcel of our inherent distrust of joy and happiness.  (See my post:  Trusting Joy).  Most of us trust suffering and struggle more than we do joy and happiness.  That is why we mostly change through the school of hardknocks.   What would happen is when Psyche whispered "I want light and space." we would respond with curiosity with "Tell me more"?Maybe we allow Strategic Mind (SM) to register it's concerns immediately...but in the spirit of a brainstorm, instead of control.SM:  "Look, the easy way would be to change our exisiting space if that is possible, but why is it you want light and space and are there other ways we could achieve that, because moving is a a big chunk of time and money?"And then the ideas surface.  The brainstorm is on.  Strategic mind doesn't have to and should not just say "yes" to Psyche, it is meant to be a true conversation between the rational and irrational within us.  We can learn how to stay in the tension of the conflicting needs within our own minds, knowing that one day something greater than either "move or stay here and ignore the need for light and space" will emerge.  Einstein said, "you can't solve a problem with the level of thinking that created it."  I say, ask yourself where you are stuck.  AND put those two opposites together and ask "how can I have both X and Y?"  Then settle in and wait, trusting that an answer will come.  Stay open.  Wait for what is fresh, new and alive to arrive.  

Part 1: Moving from one year into the next ...

Let my history then, be a gate unfastened to a new life and not a barrier to my becoming.  David Whyte   We humans are such funny creatures.  We have stories about everything and everyone ~ even ourselves!  Maybe especially ourselves.  And unfortunately, we ~ I ~ stick like crazy glue to that story.  Think about it.  When was the last time you surprised yourself by allowing some otherness, some unknown frontier to rise up and … arrest you?  Alter your path?  Carl Jung called that God.  We often think it is the devil!  How dare life deliver anything but our expected results, right?What is also true of us, is that most of us have a story that often differs in small or large ways from others’ stories about us.  Today, on the eve of a new year, we invite you to step outside your story about your history and who you are and who you can be.   Who exists beyond that story?  Discover your unknown, your unclaimed otherness, your becoming.…not known because not looked for…(T.S. Elliot)  So, why not consider seriously aligning with the call of 21st century life?  To trust and welcome the unknown, rather than resist it.  “To learn to love the unknown for itself, to take it gladly like a lantern to help you see where ordinary light will not go.”  For me this line suggests we align ourselves with a positive expectancy, similar to what we felt on Christmas morning as children.  What would be under the tree for us?  Our most cherished desires or something else, yet still wonderful?  Maybe more wonderful?  You are leaders, whether you are leading just yourself, into authenticity or an organization of hundreds.  You are leaders.  And you are 21^st century leaders, living in challenging, uncertain, and unpredictable  and terribly complex times. Now, how do you find your way to say YES to that fierce embrace?

EVERYTHING IS POSSIBLE.

AND

EVERYTHING IS AT STAKE.

What an amazing time to be alive and part of history.  If anyone needs to become comfortable in the unfamiliar, the unknown, it is us: we rational planners and doers. I invite you to place, who you think you are, what you think you love, and what you think is possible for and through you, on your right side.  Set them down.  And allow your left side, your own dear unknown, to offer, to reveal, to announce itself to you.  As you move from this year passing away, it matters to name what is done and complete for yourself so that you can create the space to invite new growth and imagination into your life in 2013.  Consider using these questions to help you become clear about what needs to recede or die back in your life:

1. What is finished, complete in your life now? 
2. Where have you achieved substantial mastery and need to allow that particular gift to recede in order to create space for your next level of growth?
3. Where in your life might you be taking a strength of yours and over using it, or applying it to something that doesn’t need it?   For example, let's say you are a good idea generator.  You have most of them at meetings.  But what if NOW it is time to develop discernment.  The ability to pick between ideas, the one that will really hit it out of the park.    That means listening and observing and reflecting.  Opposite of the idea generator mode.  But if you keep going to the “creative” idea generator, it will actually become a liability.    This is an example of over-doing a strength so it becomes a liability.

Nothing stops her...

"Our deepest fears are like dragons guarding our deepest treasures."  RilkeToday is Katharine Lillie Dearing's 27th birthday.  My daughter's courage amazes me.  How many things she has done for the sake of her career in acting.  She continually has faced down each of her fears for the sake of this career.   Fears like, rejection and whether or not she could make a living in a big city AND still create time and space to fill her life with things and people that bring her wonder and joy.   And as we speak she is now challenging some of her deepest fears.  So, I write this to remind her that her deepest treasure is barely a breath away.  AND to remind us all that it is worth the grand quest.  It is worth taking on that which we are most frightened by because (as is true in the realm of myth and magic) it is in those moments the great transformation occurs.  The frog becomes a prince.  In Phantom of the Opera, she kisses his ugly face and he frees her.  We must prove ourselves worthy or our deepest treasures, before they will reveal themselves to us and drop their costume of our deepest fears.  We must prove to our sweet souls that we won't let their deepest treasure be co-opted by the strategic mind, the ego.Yes, it is true, that which you resist most or fear most, you will one day discover this to be the source of the greatest healing and comfort.  You will say things like:  "O, if only I had known, that what I most wanted and longed for all my life, was actually in the thing I most despised."   Let's say your greatest fear is being unaccessible, not there for others, unavailable and/or self-consumed.  Yet one day for strange reasons you risk  being that one who is unaccessible and unavailable to others and find the greatest peace you have ever known, the peace that surpasses understanding.So, Kate as I sit on the sidelines of your life watching you take on, challenge after challenge, always rising to the occasion, and always overcoming your fears...I realize that you are my teacher.  Your dream is much harder to be faithful to, than many others.  The path less clear and so many examples of those who tried and failed.  Yet, nothing stops you, angel girl.  Who would have guessed that angelic little easy going, baby girl who entered the world 27 years ago would turn out to be an amazon warrior for her right to have a life that takes her breath away.  It will be so angel.  It will be so. 

Obama & Christie: Out of tragedy, new possibility emerges ... Part 2

Now let's look at the same phenomena on the other side,  President Obama.  Jungians might say that Obama's leadership shadow is exemplified in Governor Christie (and vice versa.)  Obama makes space for others to speak and be seen.  He tries deliberately not to take up space or call the spotlight to himself.  He possibly sees the Christie directive, passionate, emotionally expressive style of leadership as "old school" and not 21st century.  He prefers the servant leadership or the participative leadership model that has been catching on in the last two decades.There have been signs that some other kind of leadership was needed from Obama in addition to his preferred style.  Even his supporters have called him out for being too cerebral, for not wanting to truly fight for what matters.  For not saying directly what he wants, for not taking charge.  Take health care: Obama gave it to the Congress and Senate to work out without clearly saying what he wanted.  Christie would have told them what he wanted.  There are other examples of Obama refusing to find his inner Christie, but my point here is that most of us refuse the call to change ourselves in a new direction,when it is against our "winning formula" or the identity that has got us where we are today, or when we have held our way as better than or superior to other ways.  It is scary to give up what always worked.However, when we are called to change and refuse the call, something (Fate/Life/God) steps into to help us.  Sometimes through adversity or pressure and sometimes through offering us an example of our refused capacities in all their glory!  For Obama, enter Governor Christie dealing with Sandy and for Christi, enter President Obama supporting him and the people of his state.AND so  we get to glimpse another way to lead and to work together through their interaction.  We  saw that Obama had to ensure through his direct actions and calls to Christie that the government he believes in delivered for Christie.  He couldn't sit on the sidelines.  He had to get in the game and direct it when necessary.  He made sure the red tape that everyone hates in bureaucracies didn't get in the way of FEMA delivering the way he knew it could.  We witnessed what a working across the political divide could look like.  Now it is our turn to do the hard work of insisting we get it.To my eye, both men glimpsed their "golden shadow" in the other man in the aftermath of Sandy --the next level of greatness for each of them as a leader if they will take the journey of embracing their opposite style.  An Obama who takes charge and takes up space when necessary.  A Christie who recedes and makes space for others views and leadership or who leads via supporting others leadership.  Neither may know this happened consciously. But their unconscious is probably a little less frightened of being their opposite kind of leader.And so too, you and I.  Ask yourself:  "What it is I am most afraid of becoming?".  Now ask yourself "And where in my life could that way of being actually be useful to me?"   You will discover that "Our deepest fears are like dragons guarding our deepest treasure." Ranier Maria Rilke 

Tina Fey would love this.

“Form the habit of saying, “Yes” to a good idea.  Then list all the reasons why it will work.  There will always be plenty of people to tell you why it won’t work.”  Gil AtkinsonTina Fey, in her book Bossy Pants tells us that the rules of improvisation will change our lives and the very first rule is "Say Yes."  And the second rule is not only to "Say Yes." but to say "Yes, And."So, Gil Atkinson and Tina Fey agree and so do I.  But I suggest we take it even further.  I suggest we don't just “Form the habit of saying “Yes” to a good idea", I think we should say "Yes" to a new idea whether it is good or not.   Actually any new idea, even if just for 5 minutes,especially the weird ones.  And then I suggest we  list all the reasons why it will work or why it is useful.  Find at least 13 reasons.  Why?  Because then when people give you all the reasons why it won’t work you can ask them, “Given your concerns about this idea, how could your concerns improve the idea?”Why go to this trouble and spend the time?  Especially if your first reaction to the new idea is that it is dumb or it won't work?   Because innovation and creativity hide in the darndest places!  And by saying "yes" (and Tina Fey, would love this), you are actually allowing wonder and creativity to find you.  So even, if you end up walking away from it 5 minutes later, you will have just spent 5 minutes in that wonderful space called an "eternal moment".  That place where time stands still or feels like it expands.  Because that is how creativity, discovery and wonder feel.  I don't know about you, but 5 minutes of that will give me enough energy to burn through hours of challenging or boring stuff.Let’s test the idea with a work example:You are finishing a proposal for an important client and your assistant, says “Gee, I wonder if we should have gone for a more unusual approach to this?  I get we have demonstrated how we have done this a thousand times but what if what this company wants/needs now is something that is fresh, new and alive?”  So, instead of going ”What the heck…why would she bring this up now, what if you took a deep breath and asked yourself:  Given we don’t have time to redo this how could her concern be an ally to the project and not enemy?  How is what she just said actually useful to our efforts?”  And then the thought comes to you to include in the letter with the proposal, that you based your proposal on the assumption that what was most important to them was someone with lots of experience.  AND if that isn’t true, and what they want is someone who can generate approaches that are fresh, new, and alive then you will be happy to resubmit the proposal, demonstrating equally well that you are a great fit for their organization!  You follow this with a quick story of a client you have done exactly this work for and how pleased they were with the work and how the work helped impact their bottom line.So maybe you are beginning to be persuaded to give this idea a go, but are wondering if  13 ways this weird idea can be useful are really necessary.  Why not 1 or 5 or 7?

1. Because your linear processor (also known as strategic mind or left brain), will be quick to tell you to get rid of the new idea and guess what?  Turns out that part of you is good at executing but it is LOUSY at creating or innovating!  So the list of 13 ways the idea could be useful, is a practice that helps you move from certainty (This is stupid) to curiosity and openness.  And only from that place can you adequately evaluate whether to pursue it or not.
2. David Whyte wrote in the poem, Everything Is Waiting For You, that  “It is your great mistake to act the drama as if you were alone.”  He tells us that there is unlimited invisible help  to assist us. But if I am are convinced I need no help how will it get myattention?  So, the 13 ways list helps me open to all the invisible help (or fresh new ideas) and guidance that is there for me.  If your beliefs tell you that there is only you and your are on your own in life,  then the practice helps you open to your own intuitive brain, your right side.
3. This kind of thinking and openness is what design thinking is all about.  Design thinking is critically important in complex times and when dealing with challenging situations because it helps you engage potential setbacks with boldness, enthusiasm and faith that there are great solutions waiting in the wings to emerge if you can just find the right questions to ask.  (Design thinking assumes there are unlimited great ideas.)

If you need more reasons call me!  All I really want you, the reader to get, is that YOU ARE NOT ALONE…unless you want to be!