"There's that feeling you get when you see something that you don't understand..."
"There's that feeling you get when you see something that you don't understand the origin of ... wonderment."The Brooklyn artist Swoon was quoted as saying this in the New York Times and when I read it so many things came together for me.
- Why adults and adolescents love small children.
- Why it can be difficult for us as adults, to be curious in the face of the unknown. The uncertain.
- And why poetry so often appeals to us, especially at the most difficult times in our lives.
I think most of us "smart and savvy" (and maybe a bit world weary) adults do just the opposite of wonderment in the face of what we don't understand. We don't get curious, we don't allow ourselves to be drawn toward the unknown, instead we just shut down and/or armor up. We assume something negative and turn away. What poetry does (think Robin Williams in the Apple commercial) is usher us into a larger world where wonderment is more easily accessible. It helps us make or see things whole, including our own difficulties and our own lives.Of course, I realize there is real danger in the world. My goodness look at the front page of any newspaper around the world. Death and disease are everywhere. On a large scale the world is beautiful and terrifying. All the more reason for us to seize moments of wonderment. But to grab hold of them we most notice them first. Let's start by looking close to home, people we know or situations at work. When a colleague or loved one says something that I don't understand the origin of what do I do? Too often I tell a story, make meaning based on my past experience and the culture I am part of ... but what might happen if instead I go to "wonderment". To wonder and awe as in ..."that makes no sense to me, I wonder what s/he is seeing or experiencing that I am not." Can you sense, that in that moment we are drawn in, we are drawn closer, just like a child to the first doodle bug they see? We all have this capacity. We were born with it. But it gets covered over with our preference or our habits of predict and control. For just today, instead of making meaning, good or bad, in the face of something or someone we don't understand, why not try wonderment, real open hearted interest and curiosity about what we don't know? Let's enter our beginner's mind or "don't know mind" and see what happens.
Tina Fey would love this.
“Form the habit of saying, “Yes” to a good idea. Then list all the reasons why it will work. There will always be plenty of people to tell you why it won’t work.” Gil AtkinsonTina Fey, in her book Bossy Pants tells us that the rules of improvisation will change our lives and the very first rule is "Say Yes." And the second rule is not only to "Say Yes." but to say "Yes, And."So, Gil Atkinson and Tina Fey agree and so do I. But I suggest we take it even further. I suggest we don't just “Form the habit of saying “Yes” to a good idea", I think we should say "Yes" to a new idea whether it is good or not. Actually any new idea, even if just for 5 minutes,especially the weird ones. And then I suggest we list all the reasons why it will work or why it is useful. Find at least 13 reasons. Why? Because then when people give you all the reasons why it won’t work you can ask them, “Given your concerns about this idea, how could your concerns improve the idea?”Why go to this trouble and spend the time? Especially if your first reaction to the new idea is that it is dumb or it won't work? Because innovation and creativity hide in the darndest places! And by saying "yes" (and Tina Fey, would love this), you are actually allowing wonder and creativity to find you. So even, if you end up walking away from it 5 minutes later, you will have just spent 5 minutes in that wonderful space called an "eternal moment". That place where time stands still or feels like it expands. Because that is how creativity, discovery and wonder feel. I don't know about you, but 5 minutes of that will give me enough energy to burn through hours of challenging or boring stuff.Let’s test the idea with a work example:You are finishing a proposal for an important client and your assistant, says “Gee, I wonder if we should have gone for a more unusual approach to this? I get we have demonstrated how we have done this a thousand times but what if what this company wants/needs now is something that is fresh, new and alive?” So, instead of going ”What the heck…why would she bring this up now, what if you took a deep breath and asked yourself: Given we don’t have time to redo this how could her concern be an ally to the project and not enemy? How is what she just said actually useful to our efforts?” And then the thought comes to you to include in the letter with the proposal, that you based your proposal on the assumption that what was most important to them was someone with lots of experience. AND if that isn’t true, and what they want is someone who can generate approaches that are fresh, new, and alive then you will be happy to resubmit the proposal, demonstrating equally well that you are a great fit for their organization! You follow this with a quick story of a client you have done exactly this work for and how pleased they were with the work and how the work helped impact their bottom line.So maybe you are beginning to be persuaded to give this idea a go, but are wondering if 13 ways this weird idea can be useful are really necessary. Why not 1 or 5 or 7?
- Because your linear processor (also known as strategic mind or left brain), will be quick to tell you to get rid of the new idea and guess what? Turns out that part of you is good at executing but it is LOUSY at creating or innovating! So the list of 13 ways the idea could be useful, is a practice that helps you move from certainty (This is stupid) to curiosity and openness. And only from that place can you adequately evaluate whether to pursue it or not.
- David Whyte wrote in the poem, Everything Is Waiting For You, that “It is your great mistake to act the drama as if you were alone.” He tells us that there is unlimited invisible help to assist us. But if I am are convinced I need no help how will it get myattention? So, the 13 ways list helps me open to all the invisible help (or fresh new ideas) and guidance that is there for me. If your beliefs tell you that there is only you and your are on your own in life, then the practice helps you open to your own intuitive brain, your right side.
- This kind of thinking and openness is what design thinking is all about. Design thinking is critically important in complex times and when dealing with challenging situations because it helps you engage potential setbacks with boldness, enthusiasm and faith that there are great solutions waiting in the wings to emerge if you can just find the right questions to ask. (Design thinking assumes there are unlimited great ideas.)
If you need more reasons call me! All I really want you, the reader to get, is that YOU ARE NOT ALONE…unless you want to be!
Dare
“It is not because things are difficult that we do not dare; it is because we do not dare, that things are difficult.” SenecaDo you believe that? I think this quote would be quite disturbing to the strategic and rational mind. It is the part of us that questions whether something “makes sense” or whether an idea of ours will turn out like we want. It gives us the list of reasons that things can go wrong. And it should because that is its job: to protect us. But often it becomes a tyrant king. It controls the conversation that is OUR life.The rational does not truly understand or speak the language of passion, energy, and engagement. It cannot and will not make us wholehearted. In fact, it doesn’t trust these things. Scares the bejeezus out of the rational; this whole passion thing. Yet a person or an organization that is directed by the rational has much less vitality and originality than one that is directed by our essential self — or our true and wise self. That part of us, though irrational (because it can’t tell us why, it can’t explain) only knows what it loves and what it wants. And according to neuroscientists we should be listening to it, because it knows with far more accuracy what will make us happy over a long period of time.In his book The Social Animal: The Hidden Sources of Love Character and Achievement, David Brooks tells us that this unconscious, if given information and a few good nights’ sleep (i.e. time to mull it over and synthesize in its unique and mysterious way) will yield satisfying choices better than 75% of the time, while the rational mind will only succeed 50% of the time.So much of our unhappiness (which shows up as exhaustion, stress and a general sense of life being a burden) is directly because we take our marching orders from the wrong side of the brain; the side that will never dare. The link below is from a TED talk given by Jill Bolte Taylor, a neuroscientist who had a stroke and was able to observe her brain functioning during it. Please take the time to watch this clip.Now, think about a challenge you are facing. Get quiet, close your eyes and take a few deep, slow breaths. Then ask yourself, which side of your brain have you been listening to regarding this issue? If it is the left and rational side, ask your intuitive mind to give you its perspective. Finally ask yourself, is there some action that actually might originate from the right side but be informed by the left side? Because it turns out that is the optimum relationship. The unconscious and intuitive points the path out, and the rational side executes or helps you get to that path and move forward on it. We need both parts of our brain, but we need them in the right relationship.