Purposeful, Wholehearted Living

To be purposeful is not to be goal oriented, but to seek to reconnect to the source of one's life.  Michael MeadeThese past few months I have seen so many example of this with my clients.  When we make something a goal, we make it a thing or an object and typically we make it a reflection on us.  We achieved the goal or we didn't.  More specifically we make it about our ego/identity.  If we achieve the goal "we" are successful and talented people,  if we do not achieve our goals we are somehow less.  Less smart or talented or whatever.  In a sense the goal lives in the control of our strategic minds/our egos.But Meade says living on purpose, being purposeful is NOT goal directed but instead it is the desire to reconnect to the source of one's life.  For Meade that would be what he would call our soul.  Some of you might call it the true self, or wise self, or essential self.  That which is second nature or true to the pattern that is authentically you.  It is a relationship you enter, when you choose to live purposefully, a conversation between you and the source of your life.  This has little to do with achievement or success (although those may well happen) but they are not what your actions are about, the conversation is not controlled by the vocabulary measurement and numbers.One of the tools I use with clients who want to live wholehearted lives is a declaration, a declaration has two parts: It declares a future, who we are becoming and the second part is why it matters.  That is called the For The Sake Of or FSO for short.  A declaration is not a goal.  It is a conversation, a relationship between you and your becoming.  This is important because if I treat it as a goal, a thing, I hand it over to my strategic mind/ego which somehow always manages to suck all the joy and energy out of the process of becoming.I think Meade's statement might make a good description of being wholehearted.  Wholehearted living appears to me to be connected to be in some kind of internal conversation with the source of being or life that resides at the core of each of us.  So, ask yourself right now:"How connected am I to the source of my life?  And if the answer is 'not very', then ask yourself what are three small steps I could take today that would reconnect me?"  And go do them.  Do this everyday for 3 weeks and watch your life transform itself.  You will be running your life rather than it running you.

Dare

“It is not because things are difficult that we do not dare; it is because we do not dare, that things are difficult.” SenecaDo you believe that? I think this quote would be quite disturbing to the strategic and rational mind. It is the part of us that questions whether something “makes sense” or whether an idea of ours will turn out like we want. It gives us the list of reasons that things can go wrong. And it should because that is its job: to protect us. But often it becomes a tyrant king. It controls the conversation that is OUR life.The rational does not truly understand or speak the language of passion, energy, and engagement. It cannot and will not make us wholehearted. In fact, it doesn’t trust these things. Scares the bejeezus out of the rational; this whole passion thing. Yet a person or an organization that is directed by the rational has much less vitality and originality than one that is directed by our essential self — or our true and wise self. That part of us, though irrational (because it can’t tell us why, it can’t explain) only knows what it loves and what it wants. And according to neuroscientists we should be listening to it, because it knows with far more accuracy what will make us happy over a long period of time.In his book The Social Animal: The Hidden Sources of Love Character and Achievement, David Brooks tells us that this unconscious, if given information and a few good nights’ sleep (i.e. time to mull it over and synthesize in its unique and mysterious way) will yield satisfying choices better than 75% of the time, while the rational mind will only succeed 50% of the time.So much of our unhappiness (which shows up as exhaustion, stress and a general sense of life being a burden) is directly because we take our marching orders from the wrong side of the brain; the side that will never dare. The link below is from a TED talk given by Jill Bolte Taylor, a neuroscientist who had a stroke and was able to observe her brain functioning during it. Please take the time to watch this clip.Now, think about a challenge you are facing. Get quiet, close your eyes and take a few deep, slow breaths. Then ask yourself, which side of your brain have you been listening to regarding this issue? If it is the left and rational side, ask your intuitive mind to give you its perspective. Finally ask yourself, is there some action that actually might originate from the right side but be informed by the left side? Because it turns out that is the optimum relationship. The unconscious and intuitive points the path out, and the rational side executes or helps you get to that path and move forward on it. We need both parts of our brain, but we need them in the right relationship.

Catch Your Breath

David Whyte: “If you treat the discipline of reading poetry as an act of contemplation, then you will have a moment in the day, as William Blake said, ‘that Satan cannot find.’  When William Blake spoke of Satan he actually meant the strategic mind, the part of you that feels it doesn’t deserve anything unless it is ’doing’ something.”It is my hope that you treat reading this blog as an act of contemplation.  A chance to catch your breath and reconnect with your personal “for the sake of”.  For the sake of what do you do the work you do?  For the sake of what are you here at this moment in history?We wonder why our workplaces are so stressful and yet, and assume it is the pace of things or something unique to our time.  But, is it?  Back in the 1800s poet and artist, William Blake noted this was happening.  There is really not much new in the human psyche.  The strategic mind that must always be “doing” or “controlling,” what neuroscientists are now calling the default network, is deeply uncomfortable with another much larger part of us.  This part, the soul or psyche (which means soul in Greek) -- the energy that makes you you -- or maybe you call it your true or essential self, terrifies the strategic mind.  It is a jealous lover who must have complete control.Another poet, William Carlos William wrote:My heart rouses thinking to bring you newsof something that concerns you and concerns many men. Look at what passes for the news.You will not find it there but in despised poems.It is difficult to get the news from poemsyet men die miserably every day for lackof what is found there.So, in this pause, see if your answers to the questions that follow, reconnect you and invigorate you for the work yet ahead of you.  For the sake of what did you enter the profession you chose?  For the sake of what did you join this firm or start this company?  What about this work’s mission touches your heart and soul?And if the answer is nothing, it just might be time to find out what does!