Vote your desires not your fears.
What happens if we each tried actually trusting that whatever happens we will all move forward? What happens if we vote based on our deepest desires not our fears? That won't be easy as both campaigns have painted their opponents winning the presidency as a fearful thing. But because the adds did/do that doesn't mean you and I have to. So if you haven't voted yet, I invite you to get quiet and locate your primary values. Make a list of your top 5. Mine looks like this:
- Inclusion ... no one left our or behind.
- Dignity of meaningful worthwhile work.
- Empathy/compassion but more for how it helps the giver. Without compassion, I seem to be filled with fear.
- Passion/wholeheartedness/Desire
- Creativity/innovation/discovery/originality
Not sure that they are in order. Whatever your list, take the time to locate your top values and then look at both candidates for President and all the candidates running for office and ask yourself this question:Whose life best demonstrates my top values? And whose life has best demonstrated these values over his/her lifetime?Your choices will not only be clear, but you will have owned your choices in a different way. Neither Obama or Romney are perfect men or leaders. Far from it, no human is perfect. Now you won't expect them to "do what you want or what you would do if you were in their shoes". And when we focus on leadership in that way, we can't help but focus on problems and end up feeling disappointed and even anxious. Instead why not focus on how they are living the values that their lives have already demonstrated and that you value. That question takes you out of critical right/wrong thinking. It takes you out of Problem Focus and puts you in TED where TED stands for The Empowerment Dynamic. AND that my friends makes all the difference in the quality of your life.By the way, this doesn't mean you never recognize mistakes nor does it make you Pollyanna. Leaders are human. They aren't always true to their values. But it is easier to call someone to their greatness when they go afield of it, by singing the song that lives in their hearts (values) than it is by criticism. By the way, this works really well with oneself! :lol:So today truly celebrate what this great country makes possible...the right to vote based on our unique values. To stand for what matters to you. And remember, you can stand FOR something without having to be AGAINST anything or anyone!
2012 is the year to learn how ...
2012 is the year to learn how...to put fear and anxiety behind you and keep possibility and the larger meaning and purpose of your life, in front of you...e.e. cummings said it is the privilege of a life time to become who you are.Or something pretty close to that. There was a recent cover on Newsweek that said "Heaven is Real". It went onto describe a Neuroscientist's experience while in a coma. According to him his journey could not just be attributed to the strange firings of the brain (as he used to believe) because the part of his brain that could do that was out. He journeyed to another dimension and was met by a feminine guide. She had a message for him that he in turn is offering to us.Her Message:You are loved and cherished dearly and forever.You have nothing to fear.You can do nothing wrong.So, today is Halloween or Samhain as it was called in ancient times. It is said to the be time in the calendar of the year where the veil between the manifest or visible world and the invisible, unseen world is the thinnest. This is why there are Day of the Dead celebrations at grave sites in Mexico. It is time to commune with your most dearly departed, because it is said to be the best time for this.The moment I read the message in Newsweek I knew I would blog about it. I am asking myself, my clients and now you the reader ; "What would you do differently if you 100% believed the message given to this doctor?" In another such experience, an Indian woman was dying from a body riddled with cancer that was miraculously cured right at the end of her life. she was in a coma for 36 hours and she had a near death experience during that time. She wrote a book "Dying to Be Me". (on Amazon) describing what she learned. You can hear her discuss it at length on you tube.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7jFN9XQeEn4But the message is similar. We are here to be ourselves. Our whole authentic selves. And these authors don't say this but I would add, and help others do the same or at least allow, make space for others to do the same. So on this ancient holy day, when the gods are able to best hear you, what do you want to tell them that you are ready to begin? If you truly believe that in the eyes of the Eternal you cannot make a mistake, you have nothing to be afraid of and that you are loved beyond your wildest imagination...how would you lead your life? What bold action would you take now?
Purposeful, Wholehearted Living
To be purposeful is not to be goal oriented, but to seek to reconnect to the source of one's life. Michael MeadeThese past few months I have seen so many example of this with my clients. When we make something a goal, we make it a thing or an object and typically we make it a reflection on us. We achieved the goal or we didn't. More specifically we make it about our ego/identity. If we achieve the goal "we" are successful and talented people, if we do not achieve our goals we are somehow less. Less smart or talented or whatever. In a sense the goal lives in the control of our strategic minds/our egos.But Meade says living on purpose, being purposeful is NOT goal directed but instead it is the desire to reconnect to the source of one's life. For Meade that would be what he would call our soul. Some of you might call it the true self, or wise self, or essential self. That which is second nature or true to the pattern that is authentically you. It is a relationship you enter, when you choose to live purposefully, a conversation between you and the source of your life. This has little to do with achievement or success (although those may well happen) but they are not what your actions are about, the conversation is not controlled by the vocabulary measurement and numbers.One of the tools I use with clients who want to live wholehearted lives is a declaration, a declaration has two parts: It declares a future, who we are becoming and the second part is why it matters. That is called the For The Sake Of or FSO for short. A declaration is not a goal. It is a conversation, a relationship between you and your becoming. This is important because if I treat it as a goal, a thing, I hand it over to my strategic mind/ego which somehow always manages to suck all the joy and energy out of the process of becoming.I think Meade's statement might make a good description of being wholehearted. Wholehearted living appears to me to be connected to be in some kind of internal conversation with the source of being or life that resides at the core of each of us. So, ask yourself right now:"How connected am I to the source of my life? And if the answer is 'not very', then ask yourself what are three small steps I could take today that would reconnect me?" And go do them. Do this everyday for 3 weeks and watch your life transform itself. You will be running your life rather than it running you.
Stepping beyond Fate and into your Destiny.
“In refusing fate, we also deny destiny.” Michael MeadeWhat does this mean? To answer that question I think you begin my looking to see where in your life you are refusing (resisting) your fate. What part of yourself or your life, are you struggling to fully embrace? Remember the post Accept—then act? Where Eckhart Tolle tells us to “Accept - then act. Whatever the present moment contains, accept it as if you had chosen it… This will miraculously transform your whole life.” I believe these are related. Where we resist, what our life is bringing us: a downturn in donations, a decrease in sales, a health issue, a marriage gone sour, that is where we wrestle with reality rather than accepting it, AND that is where we may inadvertently be turning away from our destiny (that which our soul most longs for). (Please note, that in a struggle between our own will and reality...she (reality) wins, "but only 100% of the time." Byron Katie.)I propose that when we do this, "resist what is" we deny that deep call at the core of our being, which is our destiny. The health issue, the business issue, the bad marriage might be the very key that unlocks my next move toward my destiny, if I can but first accept it as here. AND then act as if I trust it, as if I had a strange faith in this thing, that I didn’t ask for or think I wanted. Personally, I do this by saying to myself and that reality I do not like, something on the order of :
“'Sh... I don’t understand why you are here and I sure don’t want you.... BUT I am going to trust you and meet you as ally and not enemy.' I am truly curious about this unasked for reality that now presents itself to me. I am going to wonder what hidden treasures it might contain. (By the way, this is easier as I get older because I can look back on so many things I wanted but in actuality I was mistaken.)”
And in doing this, I shift my internal attitude and my energy, so that a more creative and innovative way to be with (this consciously unasked for reality) can open for me.
Look, I know this isn't easy. I am as stubborn and willful as anyone I know. BUT I also know this: life rarely brings me the great beauties I have heretofore enjoyed based on anything I have planned or willed into being. The treasures of my life have come in strange packages indeed. And you might look back on your own life and see if that isn't true for you as well.
Are you wondering "How are fate and destiny intertwined? " This is one of my favorite conversations and they both have seemed related but difficult to pin down. My own views on these two keep evolving. Currently, I think fate is sort of like the status quo or automatic pilot. It is how we live when we are not truly conscious or reflective about our choices and actions. When we never question, if we are in fact doing what we came "factory loaded" for. So, when I say things to myself like, "I have to go to XYZ because her feelings will be hurt or because they expect me to", this is a place where I am not actually consulting my own wise self to find out what is truly called for at this moment. It is a bit like when I react or blindly follow my DNA or my wiring. It is my reactive state. Fate is sort of like "automatic pilot". I think it is akin to the unexamined life.I do believe that certain events (but by no means all) of each life are fated. In my life, I think my marriage was and my divorce. But what exactly is the difference between fate and destiny?I think destiny is more like calling. I remember hearing Jungian author James Hollis talk about how in the middle of his life, he changed course and direction and went to Switzerland to study at the Jung Institute and become a Jungian analyst. He is one of the most popular Jungian authors and all of his books came later in his life. Had he stayed in his former profession and here in the states, his "destiny" might not have appeared and instead he would have simply lived out his fate.I would love to hear your ideas on this too. And I will keep blogging on it as it is one of my deep interests.PS: By the way, I think it is no small thing to step beyond fate and into your destiny! But that is another post.
Tina Fey would love this.
“Form the habit of saying, “Yes” to a good idea. Then list all the reasons why it will work. There will always be plenty of people to tell you why it won’t work.” Gil AtkinsonTina Fey, in her book Bossy Pants tells us that the rules of improvisation will change our lives and the very first rule is "Say Yes." And the second rule is not only to "Say Yes." but to say "Yes, And."So, Gil Atkinson and Tina Fey agree and so do I. But I suggest we take it even further. I suggest we don't just “Form the habit of saying “Yes” to a good idea", I think we should say "Yes" to a new idea whether it is good or not. Actually any new idea, even if just for 5 minutes,especially the weird ones. And then I suggest we list all the reasons why it will work or why it is useful. Find at least 13 reasons. Why? Because then when people give you all the reasons why it won’t work you can ask them, “Given your concerns about this idea, how could your concerns improve the idea?”Why go to this trouble and spend the time? Especially if your first reaction to the new idea is that it is dumb or it won't work? Because innovation and creativity hide in the darndest places! And by saying "yes" (and Tina Fey, would love this), you are actually allowing wonder and creativity to find you. So even, if you end up walking away from it 5 minutes later, you will have just spent 5 minutes in that wonderful space called an "eternal moment". That place where time stands still or feels like it expands. Because that is how creativity, discovery and wonder feel. I don't know about you, but 5 minutes of that will give me enough energy to burn through hours of challenging or boring stuff.Let’s test the idea with a work example:You are finishing a proposal for an important client and your assistant, says “Gee, I wonder if we should have gone for a more unusual approach to this? I get we have demonstrated how we have done this a thousand times but what if what this company wants/needs now is something that is fresh, new and alive?” So, instead of going ”What the heck…why would she bring this up now, what if you took a deep breath and asked yourself: Given we don’t have time to redo this how could her concern be an ally to the project and not enemy? How is what she just said actually useful to our efforts?” And then the thought comes to you to include in the letter with the proposal, that you based your proposal on the assumption that what was most important to them was someone with lots of experience. AND if that isn’t true, and what they want is someone who can generate approaches that are fresh, new, and alive then you will be happy to resubmit the proposal, demonstrating equally well that you are a great fit for their organization! You follow this with a quick story of a client you have done exactly this work for and how pleased they were with the work and how the work helped impact their bottom line.So maybe you are beginning to be persuaded to give this idea a go, but are wondering if 13 ways this weird idea can be useful are really necessary. Why not 1 or 5 or 7?
- Because your linear processor (also known as strategic mind or left brain), will be quick to tell you to get rid of the new idea and guess what? Turns out that part of you is good at executing but it is LOUSY at creating or innovating! So the list of 13 ways the idea could be useful, is a practice that helps you move from certainty (This is stupid) to curiosity and openness. And only from that place can you adequately evaluate whether to pursue it or not.
- David Whyte wrote in the poem, Everything Is Waiting For You, that “It is your great mistake to act the drama as if you were alone.” He tells us that there is unlimited invisible help to assist us. But if I am are convinced I need no help how will it get myattention? So, the 13 ways list helps me open to all the invisible help (or fresh new ideas) and guidance that is there for me. If your beliefs tell you that there is only you and your are on your own in life, then the practice helps you open to your own intuitive brain, your right side.
- This kind of thinking and openness is what design thinking is all about. Design thinking is critically important in complex times and when dealing with challenging situations because it helps you engage potential setbacks with boldness, enthusiasm and faith that there are great solutions waiting in the wings to emerge if you can just find the right questions to ask. (Design thinking assumes there are unlimited great ideas.)
If you need more reasons call me! All I really want you, the reader to get, is that YOU ARE NOT ALONE…unless you want to be!