Obama & Christie: Out of tragedy, new possibility emerges ... Part 2

Now let's look at the same phenomena on the other side,  President Obama.  Jungians might say that Obama's leadership shadow is exemplified in Governor Christie (and vice versa.)  Obama makes space for others to speak and be seen.  He tries deliberately not to take up space or call the spotlight to himself.  He possibly sees the Christie directive, passionate, emotionally expressive style of leadership as "old school" and not 21st century.  He prefers the servant leadership or the participative leadership model that has been catching on in the last two decades.There have been signs that some other kind of leadership was needed from Obama in addition to his preferred style.  Even his supporters have called him out for being too cerebral, for not wanting to truly fight for what matters.  For not saying directly what he wants, for not taking charge.  Take health care: Obama gave it to the Congress and Senate to work out without clearly saying what he wanted.  Christie would have told them what he wanted.  There are other examples of Obama refusing to find his inner Christie, but my point here is that most of us refuse the call to change ourselves in a new direction,when it is against our "winning formula" or the identity that has got us where we are today, or when we have held our way as better than or superior to other ways.  It is scary to give up what always worked.However, when we are called to change and refuse the call, something (Fate/Life/God) steps into to help us.  Sometimes through adversity or pressure and sometimes through offering us an example of our refused capacities in all their glory!  For Obama, enter Governor Christie dealing with Sandy and for Christi, enter President Obama supporting him and the people of his state.AND so  we get to glimpse another way to lead and to work together through their interaction.  We  saw that Obama had to ensure through his direct actions and calls to Christie that the government he believes in delivered for Christie.  He couldn't sit on the sidelines.  He had to get in the game and direct it when necessary.  He made sure the red tape that everyone hates in bureaucracies didn't get in the way of FEMA delivering the way he knew it could.  We witnessed what a working across the political divide could look like.  Now it is our turn to do the hard work of insisting we get it.To my eye, both men glimpsed their "golden shadow" in the other man in the aftermath of Sandy --the next level of greatness for each of them as a leader if they will take the journey of embracing their opposite style.  An Obama who takes charge and takes up space when necessary.  A Christie who recedes and makes space for others views and leadership or who leads via supporting others leadership.  Neither may know this happened consciously. But their unconscious is probably a little less frightened of being their opposite kind of leader.And so too, you and I.  Ask yourself:  "What it is I am most afraid of becoming?".  Now ask yourself "And where in my life could that way of being actually be useful to me?"   You will discover that "Our deepest fears are like dragons guarding our deepest treasure." Ranier Maria Rilke 

Obama & Christie: Out of tragedy, new possibility emerges ... Part 1

Picture the image of Republican New Jersey Governor Chris Christie standing side by side with Democratic President Barack Obama.  One man man white, one man multiracial.  One man large with a loud and passionate, direct and exuberant presence.  The other slender and known for his cool demeanor, depth of thought and observational qualities. One man (Christie) had previously criticized the other (Obama) in public ("groping for the light switch of leadership in a darkened room).Yet a woman named Sandy, in the form of a hurricane, brought them together and brought out the best in both of them.  AND simultaneously  helped us glimpse a new way forward as a people.  In this post I am going to focus on the inner development of both leaders from my perspective and apply that to each of us and human development.  Let's start with my assumptions/beliefs:

1. People come into your life at a point in time to give you a glimpse (a positive example) of the next level of development available to you, as a person and a leader.  I refer to this as emergence as in, what is emerging/growing in you now?
2. This person/example will stimulate your imagination of what is possible for you next, even if only unconsciously.
3. If  you recognize this opportunity and move with it, you experience the wind at your back.
4. If you resist it, you experience  struggle and suffering.

Back to Christie and Obama.  Obama's humble and thoughtful, counselor approach is a model of servant leadership (which is why his staff will walk on hot coals for him).  But it would look like a failure of leadership to Christie.  Christie's approach is almost always big, powerful and charismatic.  We only see Obama do that through oratory.  Christie's ego/strategic mind would tell him no one will follow him if he risks growing the opposite characteristics in his leadership (the Obama style) thus keeping him from going to his next level of greatness.   Can you imagine how extraordinary Christie can be as a leader--maybe our President one day--with the ability to tap both capacities?  To be at choice for when to directly and powerfully call for what is needed for the people---and when to recede, observe and serve?

Part 2 highlights Obama's frontier and then connects this to all of us...

Vote your desires not your fears.

What happens if we each tried actually trusting that whatever happens we will all move forward?  What happens if we vote based on our deepest desires not our fears?  That won't be easy as both campaigns have painted their opponents winning the presidency as a fearful thing.  But because the adds did/do that doesn't mean you and I have to.  So if you haven't voted yet, I invite you to get quiet and locate your primary values.  Make a list of your top 5.  Mine looks like this:

1. Inclusion ... no one left our or behind.
2. Dignity of meaningful worthwhile work.
3. Empathy/compassion but more for how it helps the giver.  Without compassion, I seem to be filled with fear.
4. Passion/wholeheartedness/Desire
5. Creativity/innovation/discovery/originality

Not sure that they are in order.  Whatever your list, take the time to locate your top values and then look at both candidates for President and all the candidates running for office and ask yourself this question:Whose life best demonstrates my top values?  And whose life has best demonstrated these values over his/her lifetime?Your choices will not only be clear, but you will have owned your choices in a different way.  Neither Obama or Romney are perfect men or leaders.  Far from it, no human is perfect.  Now you won't expect them to "do what you want or what you would do if you were in their shoes". And when we focus on leadership in that way, we can't help but focus on problems and end up feeling disappointed and even anxious.  Instead why not focus on how they are living the values that their lives have already demonstrated and that you value.  That question takes you out of critical right/wrong thinking.  It takes you out of Problem Focus and puts you in TED where TED stands for The Empowerment Dynamic.  AND that my friends makes all the difference in the quality of your life.By the way, this doesn't mean you never recognize mistakes nor does it make you Pollyanna.  Leaders are human.  They aren't always true to their values.  But it is easier to call someone to their greatness when they go afield of it, by singing the song that lives in their hearts (values) than it is by criticism.  By the way, this works really well with oneself!  :lol:So today truly celebrate what this great country makes possible...the right to vote based on our unique values.  To stand for what matters to you.  And remember, you can stand FOR something without having to be AGAINST anything or anyone!    

2012 is the year to learn how ...

2012 is the year to learn how...to put fear and anxiety behind you and keep possibility and the larger meaning and purpose of your life, in front of you...e.e. cummings said it is the privilege of a life time to become who you are.Or something pretty close to that.  There was a recent cover on Newsweek that said "Heaven is Real".  It went onto describe a Neuroscientist's experience while in a coma.  According to him his journey could not just be attributed to the strange firings of the brain (as he used to believe) because the part of his brain that could do that was out.  He journeyed to another dimension and was met by a feminine guide.  She had a message for him that he in turn is offering to us.Her Message:You are loved and cherished dearly and forever.You have nothing to fear.You can do nothing wrong.So, today is Halloween or Samhain as it was called in ancient times.  It is said to the be time in the calendar of the year where the veil between the manifest or visible world and the invisible, unseen world is the thinnest.  This is why there are Day of the Dead celebrations at grave sites in Mexico.  It is time to commune with your most dearly departed, because it is said to be the best time for this.The moment I read the message in Newsweek I knew I would blog about it.  I am asking myself, my clients and now you the reader ; "What would you do differently if you 100% believed the message given to this doctor?" In another such experience, an Indian woman was dying from a body riddled with cancer that was miraculously cured right at the end of her life.  she was in a coma for 36 hours and she had a near death experience during that time.  She wrote a book "Dying to Be Me".  (on Amazon) describing what she learned. You can hear her discuss it at length on you tube.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7jFN9XQeEn4But the message is similar.  We are here to be ourselves.  Our whole authentic selves.  And these authors don't say this but I would add, and help others do the same or at least allow, make space for  others to do the same.  So on this ancient holy day, when the gods are able to best hear you, what do you want to tell them that you are ready to begin?  If you truly believe that in the eyes of the Eternal you cannot make a mistake, you have nothing to be afraid of and that you are loved beyond your wildest imagination...how would you lead your life?  What bold action would you take now?    

Purposeful, Wholehearted Living

To be purposeful is not to be goal oriented, but to seek to reconnect to the source of one's life.  Michael MeadeThese past few months I have seen so many example of this with my clients.  When we make something a goal, we make it a thing or an object and typically we make it a reflection on us.  We achieved the goal or we didn't.  More specifically we make it about our ego/identity.  If we achieve the goal "we" are successful and talented people,  if we do not achieve our goals we are somehow less.  Less smart or talented or whatever.  In a sense the goal lives in the control of our strategic minds/our egos.But Meade says living on purpose, being purposeful is NOT goal directed but instead it is the desire to reconnect to the source of one's life.  For Meade that would be what he would call our soul.  Some of you might call it the true self, or wise self, or essential self.  That which is second nature or true to the pattern that is authentically you.  It is a relationship you enter, when you choose to live purposefully, a conversation between you and the source of your life.  This has little to do with achievement or success (although those may well happen) but they are not what your actions are about, the conversation is not controlled by the vocabulary measurement and numbers.One of the tools I use with clients who want to live wholehearted lives is a declaration, a declaration has two parts: It declares a future, who we are becoming and the second part is why it matters.  That is called the For The Sake Of or FSO for short.  A declaration is not a goal.  It is a conversation, a relationship between you and your becoming.  This is important because if I treat it as a goal, a thing, I hand it over to my strategic mind/ego which somehow always manages to suck all the joy and energy out of the process of becoming.I think Meade's statement might make a good description of being wholehearted.  Wholehearted living appears to me to be connected to be in some kind of internal conversation with the source of being or life that resides at the core of each of us.  So, ask yourself right now:"How connected am I to the source of my life?  And if the answer is 'not very', then ask yourself what are three small steps I could take today that would reconnect me?"  And go do them.  Do this everyday for 3 weeks and watch your life transform itself.  You will be running your life rather than it running you.